Because You Loved Me
by criminally charmed
Summary: One shot view of Alan, what has happened to him recently and what he views as his stregnth his familiy's love. Uses Celine Dion song Because You Loved Me


**_Disclaiming again, I'm disclaiming again, whoa-oh...don't own the Tracys my friends...or Celine Dion's song but then, you don't either..._**

**Thanks to Sam1 for betaing again... Sorry I make you kinda, sorta in a way like Alan. But c'mon now, isn't he better this way???**

**Because You Loved Me **

Alan Tracy was lucky to be alive. How many times in the last few years had he cheated death? The Hood had tried to kill him in London; Jackson Mitchell had first kidnapped and threatened him in Manhattan, then during Mitchell's trial, the bastard had grabbed Alan again, leading to both of them being shot. Mitchell was dead now; Alan had felt free to get on with his life.

The other time his life had been at risk, no one was really at fault. Mother Nature or sheer chance seemed to play a part in it. There was that forest fire he and the track team had got caught in. That was lightning strikes. No one was at fault. But he had remembered thinking the same thing about one of his teammates as he had about the Hood in the Bank of London: "I don't want to save you; but it's what we do." The next year, Alan had broken his arm rescuing the computer club from a lab fire after that same little jerk - Kyle Wescott - had caused a fire by rigging some monitors. And last week, Wescott had used his connections to usurp a position among the Wharton representatives to a youth leadership conference. Luckily, Wescott was not one of the fifteen boys Alan had gotten in position to be rescued by the Thunderbirds during a massive fire at their hotel. He wondered if the boy had gotten in trouble for not being in his room, since three boys should have been in the room next to Alan's and only two people had been - no sign of Kyle. Alan guessed he would find out what, if anything had happened to Wescott, when he returned to Wharton's on Sunday.

Jeff Tracy came out to the pool where his youngest son sat enjoying the relative quite of the day. The rest of his family was off on a rescue and Brains had encouraged him to let the scientist run command and control. Free for the moment, Jeff came out to be with Alan. He remembered what Emily had said when examining Alan on his return last Sunday, weak from smoke inhalation and a concussion, "Sweetie, you have to be more careful. You are making your angels work overtime." Alan had joked that he would only have one guardian angel. Reviewing his medical records, Emily shook her head. "No, Alan. I am sure you have your own personal team of guardian angels in order to make it this far."

Smiling at Alan, half dozing on a lounger, Jeff pulled up a chair next to him. Alan opened his eyes and smiled at his father, "I already did my school work, my room is clean and Tin-Tin helped me do the inventory." Jeff shook his head, "Which would explain why you are falling asleep at two in the afternoon. Alan, the doctors from Mass General Hospital sent you back with the understanding you would rest for the week, yet you keep pushing yourself until you end up falling asleep exhausted. I don't understand."

Alan played with a notebook in his lap and refused to make eye contact with his father. Concerned, Jeff moved over so he was sitting with his son, half holding the teenager. Suddenly, Alan leaned into his father, much as he had as a young child. "If I am exhausted, I don't have any nightmares" Jeff clutched his son close to him, feeling Alan relax and drop off to sleep, safe in – for Alan, at least – the most secure place in the world.

_For all those times you stood by me  
For all the truth that you made me see  
For all the joy you brought to my life  
For all the wrong that you made right  
For every dream you made come true  
For all the love I found in you  
I'll be forever thankful  
You're the one who held me up  
Never let me fall  
You're the one who saw me through it all _

As the afternoon progressed, the other Tracy sons had returned from the rescue. Alan woke up and saw that his father had left him dozing in the lounger. Jeff had even managed to pull the chair into a shaded area without Alan ever stirring. Stretching, the youngest Tracy son rose from the chair and ambled back into the family villa. Having showered and changed the remaining members of International Rescue were just coming out of their father's study, having wrapped up another debriefing. Seeing Alan walk in the house, his brothers – Scott, Virgil and Gordon – circled him, teasing and joking with him. Alan felt that the _normalcy_ of this worked better than any medicine in helping him recover. Over the last few years, Alan had learned to give as well as he got, without losing his cool.

Knowing how to break into their computers didn't hurt. He had only done it once, but Gordon had learned the lesson for the rest of his brothers. Alan now felt a little guilty about it. He had sent a prank e-mail to Gordon's girlfriend, a parade of baby pictures set to the tune "I Feel Pretty". Not long after that, the girl had been killed in a plane crash. Knowing the devastation his next closest brother was going through had let the two work through any bad feelings. And Gordy had been there for Alan when he had been preparing to testify against his kidnapper. The two had leaned on each other a lot that summer, and it had strengthened their relationship, once more cementing their reputation as "the terrible twosome".

_You gave me wings and made me fly  
You touched my hand I could touch the sky  
I lost my faith, you gave it back to me  
You said no star was out of reach  
You stood by me and I stood tall  
I had your love I had it all  
I'm grateful for each day you gave me  
Maybe I don't know that much  
But I know this much is true  
I was blessed because I was loved by you _

Scott was his oldest brother and more of a parent to Alan than a sibling. While Alan looked the most like their brother John and acted the most like Gordon, it was Scott he found himself trying most to be like. The day after his most recent return to the island, Alan had found himself saying that much to Scott's wife Kate. Ending with something about feeling like he could never live up to the legend that was Scott Tracy, Alan had been surprised when his sister-in-law, usually one of the most sympathetic of listeners, had begun to laugh. "Kiddo, I am thinking of a Tracy son who always seems to know just what to do in an emergency situation and goes out of his way to protect those around him." Alan shrugged, sure that was Scott. Kate continued with a smile, "Actually, there would be two. One I married and the other one I love like he was my little brother – Little brother." Alan hugged his oldest brother's wife, basking in the unconditional love she had always given him – something else, he saw now, that she had in common with Scott.

_You were my strength when I was weak  
You were my voice when I couldn't speak  
You were my eyes when I couldn't see  
You saw the best there was in me  
Lifted me up when I couldn't reach  
You gave me faith 'coz you believed  
I'm everything I am  
Because you loved me _

If you had asked Alan before the Hood had invaded their home, which brother did he know least, he would have said John. But their near-death experience on Thunderbird Five had made John determined to get closer to his youngest brother. Alan had been amazed to realize how much he actually had in common with the only other blond Tracy. (Well, except for Emily, but she was a Tracy by marriage.) Both were withdrawn but Alan hid his insecurities behind a show of bravado. And both hated feeling cut off from the family the way they were. After John had first returned to Five after the Hood fiasco, he and Alan had begun calling each other. John found someone to chat with when he was stressing over being back up in Five and Alan had found out that John was a great math tutor, even thousands of miles above the Earth! It was John who had begun to encourage Alan to read science fiction books and he knew it was John who now felt as if he had launched Alan on writing science fiction stories of his own. John was the first person Alan often told any "news" to, if only to make his brother feel as if he were part of the family's daily life.

_You were my strength when I was weak  
You were my voice when I couldn't speak  
You were my eyes when I couldn't see  
You saw the best there was in me  
Lifted me up when I couldn't reach  
You gave me faith 'coz you believed  
I'm everything I am  
Because you loved me _

While Alan knew he loved his brother Virgil and that the middle Tracy son loved his little brother, lately that brother was frustrating him. It was as if Virgil felt now that Scott and John were starting their own families, Virgil had to play more of the "big brother" role with Alan. But it was starting to get to Alan. Virgil really needed someone of the female persuasion to distract his attention away from him. Then again, Virgil had sure been interested in seeing Sarah Woodbury again. Alan remembered Sarah from back when they lived in Kansas. Sarah had baby-sat Alan and had later worked as a tutor for Virgil in their senior year of high school. It had seemed that year that Sarah was at their house more than she was at her own home. Chubby, with thick glasses and a mouth full of braces, Sarah had been shy and withdrawn. But she had always had time for Alan and he had loved her. It had been why he had been so confused when she had suddenly gone missing from their lives. What Alan hadn't known then was that they day before she and Virgil were to graduate high school, Sarah's family home had burned down, killing her family and leaving the sixteen year old badly injured. Not wanting to upset Alan, the family had hidden it from the boy, and moved to their New York apartment for the summer. As Jeff Tracy's work on founding International Rescue had required the family moving to Tracy Island by the end of the summer, Alan had lost touch with most people he had known back in Kansas. He had never realized until now how much he had felt as if Sarah had abandoned him. Knowing the truth was somehow healing to Alan. And seeing Sarah – who no longer resembled the Sarah of old, except in her bewitching smile – had certainly seemed to draw something from the family artist. Maybe, Alan thought to himself, his childhood fantasy about Sarah being his sister could work out after all.

_You were always there for me  
The tender wind that carried me  
A light in the dark shining your love into my life  
You've been my inspiration  
Through the lies you were the truth  
My world is a better place because of you _

Watching the sun set over the island, Alan and Tin-Tin sat in companionable silence. In the years that they had been dating, the couple had been through enough traumas that would have split up many a more "mature" couple. And while they enjoyed the emotional closeness they had shared since they had moved from friends to _friends, _the couple had chosen to wait until they were sure they could handle any, um, _consequences_ of intimacy. That, more than anything, would have comforted their family in their concerns over their relationship.

Well, it would have if the couple had chosen to share it. For one thing, it was really no ones business but theirs. At the same time – it was fun to watch the "elders" sweat; panicking every time they realized that the couple had been left without a chaperone for any length of time. Alan and Tin-Tin knew they belonged together, they knew they would some day marry and have children. Tin-Tin had even had a very promising satellite interviewing with the Admission's Director for MIT. If accepted, she and Alan would both be attending school in Boston. This made Alan consider another option.

"Tin-Tin?" She looked up questioningly. "You're going to marry me someday, right?"

"Boy, Alan that is so romantic I could hurl."

Alan chuckled. "Sorry. I was just thinking, if we were to go out to Boston together for college, maybe we could get married first."

Waiting for the joke, Tin-Tin realized her boyfriend was serious. Drawing in her breath, the girl sighed deeply. "Alan, I love you and want to spend the rest of our lives together. And when you can give me a proper proposal," nudging Alan in the stomach, "I can almost guarantee you my answer will be yes." As she cuddled in closer, the Malaysian girl said from her place in Alan's arms, "But you sure do enjoy raising your dad's blood pressure, don't you?"

_You were my strength when I was weak  
You were my voice when I couldn't speak  
You were my eyes when I couldn't see  
You saw the best there was in me  
Lifted me up when I couldn't reach  
You gave me faith 'coz you believed  
I'm everything I am  
Because you loved me _

That night, Alan lay in his room trying to fall asleep. Here on Tracy Island, he was safe. Here on the island he was surrounded by love – paternal, family and romantic. Here he was considered precious and important. But out there, Alan could make his own mark, be his own person. He needed to do that. He needed to find out who he was beyond Alan Tracy, son and little brother. Yet it was knowing that the ones he loved and who loved him so much in return were waiting for him, gave Alan the courage to venture beyond what was safe and familiar into the possibilities that lay beyond.

Looking at the pictures on his bedside stand, seeing his father, brothers, sisters-in-law, nephew and girlfriend, Alan Tracy knew he was a very lucky person. Many would say it was because he was the son of a billionaire, who had led a privileged life. The few who knew the truth about the Thunderbirds might believe it was because at seventeen, he was already fulfilling his childhood dreams. But as he drifted off, once again sure it was the edge of a dream, hearing the voice of the mother he had lost fourteen years ago whispering, "Sweet dreams, Baby." Surely if he could still hear that, it was because of how much he was loved and the courage that love gave Alan to face any challenges.

_I'm everything I am  
Because you loved me _

**_a/n - so here is an Alan one-shot. Some people pointed out that with how much Alan was involved in the last third of Keeper of the Stars, you really didn't feel what he was feeling. well, this was it and more. some people (hint, hint Sam1) have said my Alan is more likeable. well, this Alan knows he is loved very much by the people in his life. anyone who is that sure of love and support by those who mean the most to them is certain to be a better person. When I heard this celine dion song the other day it hit me... Alan Tracy is everything he is (at least in my stories) because his family (and Tin-Tin) love him._**


End file.
